Chances are, your music or dance studio has a recital coming up. When you spoke with your child about it did they get excited? Or not? If they got excited but YOU’RE having anxiety, try to let it go. I always tell parents “if your kid wants to perform, absolutely let them!”. Some parents hesitate, thinking their child is not ready, but keep in mind “practice makes perfect”. Performance needs practice too. Encouraging the excitement they have now will make performance easier for them later when the natural self-consciousness of the adolescent years will likely strike.
If they were not excited about it I encourage you to try to coax your hesitant performer into saying “yes”…and parents, you will play a key role in this transformation! You set the tone, you dangle the carrot, you have the power to help them learn to persevere toward longer-term and broader goals than they ever have before! Then they can reap the rewards.
The key is pretty simple: the recital and the preparation for the recital need to be a positive experience. The research suggests students will pursue a focus of study much longer when positive feelings are associated with their work along the way. Younger children need more frequent rewards to keep them going. Older students can be reasoned into lengthened perseverance but I still recommend adding milestone rewards along the way. My personal teaching philosophy requires consistent positive outcomes in music learning in three areas: technical, emotional and social, thus recitals, concerts and other performances – even playing for grandpa and grandma when they visit – supply positive feedback in the social category and bolster students’ overall love of studying music.
Here are several quick and easy tips for talking to a hesitant performer:
Keep it positive. If you have a negative association with performance please do not share it! Allow your child to build their own good experiences performing, with your help.
Dissipate the fear of the unknown. Show them pictures of what it will be like, plan to attend with a friend, or hold a mock recital to demonstrate what it’s like to perform AND to enjoy the applause and other positive feedback they will experience.
Know when to say when. Too much pressure will only succeed in forming a negative feeling association. If they can’t be coaxed, allow them to say “maybe next time”. In this case, you might attend the recital of a friend of theirs to show how we offer support to one another in this way.
Honestly, if your child studies music for a long period of time and never wants to offer a public performance I think this is OK. Music study is highly personal and offers a wide variety of positive outcomes. Thank you for encouraging your child to study music!
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